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Heather
Jackson and daughter |
| "Now, two years
later, I have found myself. My daughter and I are our own little
family. And I love her and she loves me, I love being a mom and
it's constructed me into a radicalized mother/womyn who cares
about social justice because I want a better world for her and
everyone." |
| " I was the only student to do a presentation in a class
about my travels to DC to protest against the World Bank and
IMF meetings. " |
"But being a mother has sculpted me
into who I am.
And in that process I have worked on being a student for myself,
being a person for myself because that is so important."
---Heather Jackson |
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Radical College Mom |
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Heather Jackson |
|
at
the University
of North Dakota |
| When I turned 25 years old,
I finally figured out myself, almost.
I had been climbing
up a hill for so long, a steep hill full of emotional trauma,
constant questioning, stomachaches and scary mind thoughts. I
never put myself first, never figured out who I was, who I truly
am. |
| When
I got pregnant in high school at the age of 18, I had
no clear definition of myself. Was I ready to even be a mother?
I got pregnant by my boyfriend at the time, a month after having
sex with him (or anyone) for the first time ever. I was in complete
denial of becoming pregnant, I couldn't believe it. I spent a
few months running out of gym, band and art classes to go puke
in the bathroom. This coincided with chugging down a lot of sports
drinks, eating saltine cracker and wearing baggy clothes to hide
my pregnancy from everyone |
| My daughter was born September
25, 2001 at 8:05 pm. Her dad was
there and it was the most surreal moment of my life. I had just
turned 19, I graduated high school four months before and now
I was a mom. A mom with no direction of what I wanted to do or
where to go in life. But here I lay just after birth with a baby
in my arms starring at me with the hugest eyes I had ever seen.
And all I could say was, "holy shit." |
| I
stayed in Minot, ND, working full time call center jobs for two
and a half years. I spent almost six months visiting my
baby-daddy who was in jail on drug charges shortly after our
daughter turned four months old. Every Wednesday night and Sunday
afternoons were spent sitting the local county jail, waiting
for his name to be called so we could talk to each other on a
phone and see each other through glass. I wrote him a letter
everyday and wrote weekly letters to his judge suggesting an
early release |
| He got a job after he got
out of jail and we, the three of us, were finally together. However, a lot of it was spent staying up at night
and waiting for him to get home after a night or drinking, drugs
and cheating on me. But I ignored it. I wanted us to be together
and I worked so hard to save money and we moved to Minneapolis
when our daughter was two years old. |
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That January after we moved,
I started attending Minneapolis
Community & Technical College
in pursuit of my Associates in Graphic Design. I worked
almost full-time while he had random jobs here and there after
getting fired all the time. During this time, I had a wonderful
single mom community.
After two and half years and shortly before my graduation
from this college, I broke up with my baby-daddy. I still remember
the night and how clear it was, the look on his face and his
reaction, the last hug I have ever given him on the couch with
me crying so hard. He had already moved out and still had a few
things at my apartment, he took what he could and left. Then
I watched him leave, he drove away. And the next time I would
see him would not be the same. And it wasn't. But I did it. I
left behind an abusive, manipulative, horrid relationship, something
that caused me more pain I have gone through, yet helped me learn
and unlearn so much about myself and in all that process allowing
me to NOT regret any decision I have made and moving on in a
very slow process that took the last two years of my life.
|
| Now,
two years later, I have found myself. My daughter
and I are our own little family. And I love her and she loves
me, I love being a mom and it's constructed me into a radicalized
mother/womyn who cares about social justice because I want a
better world for her and everyone. I can finally say I love myself.
And it took twenty-five years for me to say that and be true
about it. I trust myself now; I am a single mother and can think
of nothing better that I could be. |
I also now am enrolled at the University
of North Dakota. I moved back to ND after being in Minneapolis
for almost three and a half years. I changed my degree to Sociology
and Women's Studies. Even though I am not the "traditional"
undergrad student I love the choice I have made. My first semester
I was able to get to know professors in the Sociology Department.
I was the only student to do a presentation in a class about
my travels to DC to protest against the World Bank and IMF meetings.
I got a work study job in the Sociology Department to work a
study in regards to Board of Directors and the sex inequalities
(or equalities) of huge corporations and the inequalities of
that in society and will present a paper at a future Sociological
conference. I write for the student newspaper and I presented
a paper on Radical Feminism, Ageism and Parenting at the Red
River Women's Conference. I am also involved with the local Students
for a Democratic Society chapter and help set up events on campus.
I am working on community building at the local level because
we need it here. And my daughter started Kindergarten and is
doing wonderful. As a single mother, I spoke up and made sure
everyone could hear me say I am a mother and I can do this. And
I did.
And it's been working. |
It hasn't been as easy as any of this sounds.
And some of what I just wrote seems like
ancient history. I have done so much self-evaluation, self-judging,
crying my eyes out while feeling alone as hell, questioning myself
and all the choices I have made in the twenty-five years I have
been on Earth. And in that process, feeling the same judgment,
evaluation and criticism from my family, friends, peers and society.
I was always screamed at for doing the things I did because I
WAS A MOTHER. But being a mother has sculpted me into who
I am. And in that process I have worked on being a student for
myself, being a person for myself because that is so important.
Within the
huge process of being a mother,
one must never forget that she is her own person, too and sometimes
looking beyond the mother title is all what you need. And it's
okay to say that. |
|
----Heather
Jackson, , single mama revolutionary |
| Heather Jackson is a sex positive, radical feminist
and single mom to an almost 7 year old girl-child. She bikes everywhere while livin' it up in Grand
Forks, North Dakota. D.I.Y. and vegan are the way to go for her,
besides her bike. |
| She
says f*ck shaving and takes
the word 'man' outta womyn. She is all about building community,
starting up bike workshops and tea time in the park every Friday
while in costume for the theme of that Friday. |
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